TEACHING KIDS GOOD MANNERS

Teaching good manners to kids can be a daunting task but every parent knows it is a crucial step in raising any child to be polite, something that will be impressionable into adulthood.

- My daughter has a tendency to get very excited when we go out to restaurants to eat. I found myself telling her to stop, but it didn't have much effect. Then I started asking her to look around to see who else was screaming. When she realized no one else raised their voices in restaurants, she stopped doing it, too.

- When I was a child & I'd ask my teachers "can I go to the bathroom?" they'd say, "of course you CAN. Would you like to ask if you MAY go?". I started doing that with Louisa & it worked like a charm!

- Before my oldest child started talking, whenever she was pointing at something she wanted, I made the mistake of asking her, "do you want this?" The result was that she learned to say "I WANT" all the time. Then I had to re-train her not to say that! So, when my son was that age, I avoided the "I want" problem by asking him, "would you like this?" Now both my kids know that the only way to get something is to say "Mommy, I would like that, please!"

- One of my pet peeves is children who won't make eye contact or say "hello" properly when they're introduced to adults. Believe me, I know what it's like to be shy -- I was petrified as a kid -- but that's no excuse for rudeness. I've found that when I tell my kids how proud they made me feel after they shake hands & say" hello" nicely, it gives them a huge boost of confidence & they're less likely to hide behind my legs the next time.

- When eating at someone's home or a guest of someone at a restaurant, always thank the host and tell them how delicious it was, even if it wasn't. Again, someone took time, energy, and expense to prepare the food, show your appreciation.

- Ever since day 1 of Audrey's life, we said "please" and "thank you".  If I had to take something out of her mouth that doesn't belong there, I'd say "Can Mommy have that, please?"  And when I got it out of her mouth I say "Thank you for letting Mommy have that."  Now that she'd a bit older, even though she only says a few words she responds when we say "please" and when she gives us something, she waits for "Thank you" before pulling her hand away.  We want it to be a regular part of her vocabulary.

- Don't give your child what they are asking for until they ask you politely.  Acknowledge that you have heard them but that you are waiting until they ask politely.

- Give them prompts.  After they burp, ask, what do you say?  After you give them what they have asked for, ask, what do you say?

- What are the two magic words?  Please and Thank you.

- RESPECT.  If you want kids to respect you, you must respect them too. They are  "little human beings" that mirror us.   If I have to give just one answer, I think I'm a believer in speaking to children with as much respect as you would want for yourself. Persistence is a good idea but if you remind them by yelling, nagging and speaking to them disrespectfully they will probably mirror your tone. I think more important than persistence is consistency. If you are going to expect "pleases" and "thank you's" you need to make sure to get them every time and not let it slide, even when you're tired or just can't bother. It eventually sinks in and you won't have to ask.

- Princess meals:  When our girls were of preschool age and out of the high chairs and booster chairs with trays, whenever they got too wiggly or didn't use their utensils, I'd say, "But that's not how the princesses would eat!  Only barbarians use their fingers!"  Then we'd put on our imaginary crowns and tiaras, sit a little straighter, and go back to using our utensils.  If they wiggled some more, I'd exclaim, "Oh no!  Your crown fell off!"  Then they'd sit up straight again.  Towards the end of the meal, I'd praise them, and say, "Princess (fill-in-the-blank) would definitely invite you to her castle because you had such wonderful manners!"  We didn't do it every night.  Just when the kids needed a bit of a refresher.  

- Thank you's:  Both girls are quite shy and many times need to be reminded/prompted to say thank you when leaving a dinner, playdate, music lesson, etc.  Instead of me always saying, "What do you say to Ms.___?"  we developed a hand-signal to remind them to say, "Thank you!"  (I use the Sign Language).  After we leave a music lesson, if they forget to say, "Thank you," I'll quickly give them the signal, then they'll remember to *look into the person's eyes* and say thank you.